29 February, 2012

Happy Leap Day: To "All Yearning Females"

Happy Leap Day!
You can do anything today because nothing matters on Leap Day!  
Man can bite dog. Jet packs can be had by all. 
Donuts can rain from the sky today (Mmmm...donuts)
even women folk can propose to men on this day (because nothing really matters)
It's Leap Day and on this day traditionally, women can propose to men
It was considered that as the day also had no legal status, it was reasonable to assume that tradition had no status, so women took advantage of this and proposed to the man they wanted to marry.

A 2 minute Google search gives us this history of Leap Day:

This tradition goes back to an old Irish legend concerning St. Patrick and St. Bridget in the 5th Century.  You know St. Bridget. She runs the catholic church in Canton that was used as the southeast district precinct in the Wire.  Ya know? Where the had the wire up on Frank Sobatka?
Anyway, St. Bridget petitioned St. Patrick on behalf of all yearning females in that they have a more active role in choosing their husbands. As a result of this request, women were allowed to propose to men once every four years. 
So there ya have it.  Thank you Google and thank you St. Bridget.  

Happy Leap Day everybody!

16 February, 2012

Santorum Pleads to DHS: Increase the Suck Protection!

Increase the Suck Protection!
Published February 16, 2012

Republican presidential contender Rick Santorum's campaign wrote a letter to the Department of Homeland Security Wednesday requesting Secret Service protection, Fox News confirms.

Santorum sought protection following a rowdy rally in Washington state earlier in the week.

Santorum says it's "a sad state of affairs" that suck protection is necessary, especially after he spent several weeks campaigning in a supporter's pickup truck. However, he said the protection would be for his family's sake.
Santorum hosted an outdoor rally adjacent to the campsite of Tacoma, Wash., Occupy protesters Monday night. They chanted and yelled during most of the event. Two protesters were dragged away by police.
Reflecting on the experience after another campaign stop Tuesday night, Santorum says it's unfortunate that some people "can get a little rowdy and sometimes a little violent."
Currently, the only GOP contender with Secret Service protection is Mitt Romney.

HA!  I had to get on the lulz before Faux News came in and corrected their Santorum sized gaffe.

09 February, 2012

Super Kush Botanical Potpourri Review: Harshin' My Mello!

Dude!  Yer harshin’ my mellow, man. 
Dude! Aw dude! I’m gonna hurl!”

That was the conversation I had with my toilet last night after a rather painful session with Super Kush.  Don’t get this name twisted with the actual Super Kush: 2 time winner of the High Times Cannabis Cup.  That stuff is illegal and I don’t smoke illegal drugs.  Ya hear that kids? Stay in school and stay off drugs.
No, this Super Kush is the “botanical potpourri” that’s used as incense or to smoke like real weed and get your mellow on. 

Now your first question might be: “Why buy this crap when you can score a quality bag of the real stuff just as easily?”  My answer: “Shut it!”

I’ve been a naysayer of this product for a while now but every time I’m in my local head shop buying my loose rolling tobacco (no, really, I go there for the Norwegian Shag…really) I’m always waiting behind someone buying all sorts of legal weeds, I mean botanical potpourri.  So I figured I’d give it a try.  Why not?  I’ve been known to do some pretty dumb things in my day and just because I’m getting older doesn’t mean I should stop doing dumb things.  Right? 

So I get it home, fire it up and get some synthetic high that I can only imagine is kinda like what smoking illegal cannabis would be like.  If I ever smoked illegal drugs, that is.
I remember waking up a bit groggy in the morning and feeling like I was huffing spray paint the night before.  Not like I know what that's like, I’m just saying that for creative expression.  Ya know?

Day two I get home and remember that I have this Super Kush and decide to take a small hit but not to smoke any before bed so as to not wake up and feel like I was huffing spray paint.  Good call.  The learning curve is shaping up nicely with this botanical potpourri.

 Dude!  Yer harshin’ my mellow, man. 
 Dude! Aw dude! I’m gonna hurl!”

The next hour was spent in the bathroom clutching my toilet and violently yarfing up whatever my system could find to throw out of me.  We’re talking a serious reaction to some potent toxin.  It was chunderdome and I was pitted against the porcelain.  Odds were not in my favor but I did think I could have ripped that toilet out of the floor I was grappling with it so hard. 
This was not just a case of my body rejecting a substance and throwing it up.  No, this was a 9 round fight and I couldn’t sit in any position other then on my knees clutching this damn toilet.  Any other movement sent the world into hurling spins.  After a pillow was thrown down for me I just laid in the fetal position in my bathroom as all the color flushed from my face and I prayed for a quick and painless death. 
Another hour or 2 would pass before I was able to feel normal again. Jaysus! What just happened to me?  
Too bad, really.  The buzz was kinda interesting while it lasted.  There was a serious downside though.  
But hey, at least I didn't wake up this morning with silver lips.