30 October, 2009

Happy Halloween! Love, Swine Flu

Swine flu Wishes Everyone a Happy Halloween.

This year I’m going as swine flu for Halloween. Why not? It’s topical. It’s all in the news and it’s scaring America more than any devilish creature from this world or the next.
But what if I really am a human incubator for the dreaded H1N1?
How many people would I come in contact with on an average Halloween night?
How quickly could I spread this agent of terror throughout the land?
Well, lets see.

Tomorrow I will be swine flu and I have 300 viruses on hand to spread.
Actually this virus is a 3x5 sticker of the H1N1 virus. Anyone I come in contact with for more than a few seconds gets a sticker. A handshake gets a sticker.
A hug gets a sticker.
A smooch definitely gets a sticker.
And if I go bobbing for apples at the local elementary school and the whole place gets a sticker.

The possibilities of spreading the virus are endless.
This is one of the joys of being a vector.
So if you’re out on Halloween and you see a sick pig handing out H1N1 you just may get infected.
But there’s no need to panic. My girlfriend will be dressed as the H1N1 vaccine. So just talk to her and you could get the antidote. But probably not. She’s not a people person. She’s just in it for the money.


23 October, 2009

Senate Passes Fagot-Ass Anti-Hate Crime Bill: Keeps War Rolling On.

The Senate's 68-29 vote in favor of Pentagon defense spending bill, which includes the Matthew Shepard and James Byrd Jr. Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009, came after the House approved the bill earlier this month.
The measure was approved with a majority of Republicans voting against it. The House passed the same bill Oct. 8, also with most Republicans opposed.

The measure would extend the current definition of federal hate crimes -- which covers attacks motivated by race, color, religion or national origin -- to include those based on sex, sexual orientation, gender identity or disability. It also would make it a federal crime to attack U.S. military personnel because of their service.

Republicans contend that an expansion of the hate crimes definition should not be included in a defense spending bill. The bill allocates $130 billion for the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq for the fiscal year 2010, which began Oct. 1.

Now here is one of the few times that I can totally agree with Republicans on this matter.

A hate crimes bill should not be passed along with a bill which would allow the Pentagon to spend $130 billion to kill Iraqis and Afghans. That’s a hate crime in itself. In fact the Pentagon should not get $1 to wage war on any sovereign nation.

Here’s what one Rep. Senator has to say on the matter:

"Democrats have done a great disservice to the brave men and women of our Armed Forces today by using them as leverage to pass radical social policy," said House Minority Leader John Boehner of Ohio after the House passed the bill.

Did he miss the part of the hate crime bill that said it also would make it a federal crime to attack U.S. military personnel because of their service? Radical social policy?

"They engineered this abuse of the legislative process because they had no other way to pass legislation that is unconstitutional and just plain wrong," he said. "Our troops, and their families, deserve better."

But our troops and their families don’t deserve to have the rest of the military discriminate against them.
Can someone help me explain this one?